love still exists
by neverephemeral
Summary: It had only been three years but to Bellamy it felt more like thirty years had passed since Clarke left.


**Because who doesn't like some angst? I'm sorry if you tear up while reading this.**

* * *

**O**ctavia reached for her brother's hand and placed it to the right, lower side of her stomach, covering his hand with her own. Bellamy stared at his sister, _what_, confused for a moment, when Octavia shook her head, _wait; _and pressed his hand a little harder against her stomach, moving it over an inch to the left.

"O-"

_There._

Bellamy stopped and looked down at their hands, holding his breath with wide eyes.

_Again._

There! Bellamy felt the baby again. His smile widened, the corner of his eyes crinkling and when he looked up at his sister he found a beaming smile to match his own. He still couldn't believe that his sister was four months pregnant with her first child.

He was going to be an Uncle.

_An Uncle._

"She's been moving a lot more now," Octavia smiled.

"_She_?" He quirked his eyebrow at his sister. "You hope it's a girl?"

"I _know_ it's going to be a girl," Octavia said, "Lincoln would be happy with either. As long as the baby is healthy."

Bellamy nodded and pulled his hand away. He was happy that his sister was living, not stuck underneath some floorboards of a metal box high above the atmosphere. Lincoln was a good man for her, they were good for each other. She was tough when Lincoln was gentle and vice versa.

He wished his mother was here to see it.

He wished _she _was here to see it.

_She _should be here to see it. Bellamy knows that _she _would have been so happy to see Octavia as a mother and _she_ would love Luna; Raven and Wick's two year old daughter. She was a perfect mixture of both of her parents.

"Hey," Octavia pulled him out of his thoughts, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. She didn't say anything to him, she never did. All she would do was squeeze his arm, _she would want you to be happy. She would want you to live._

"I'm going to go check in with Miller and Kane," Bellamy said, he gave his sister a gentle smile, "you should take it easy. Go get something to eat." He dropped a kiss to his sister's head before he turned and made his way to the main station; where they held their meetings.

They didn't talk about _her. _At least no one did when Bellamy was around, afraid that hearing hername would set him off in some way. Hearing her name didn't set him off, it hurt; like someone punching him in the face repeatedly or a paper cut but he didn't loose his mind.

_He couldn't._

Bellamy had promised Clarke that he would look after _their _people. He kept on repeating to himself that it was only _temporarily _and that she would come back. _She needed to come back._

It had only been three years but to Bellamy it felt more like thirty years had passed since Clarke left. He thought about her as much as he breathed, he longed for her with every beat of his heart. As each year passed without Clarke's return the wound, that he thought had healed, when she left became fresh again. It was as though Bellamy stumbled onto a frozen pond and broke through the ice. The shock of the icy water to his system; that's what he felt whenever he thought about her or heard her name.

* * *

"BEE!"

Bellamy smiled, holding his arms out to the two year old girl that bounced excitedly on her mother's leg. He didn't miss the wince that Raven tried to hide from her daughter's actions and was quick to relieve her.

"And how is my moon beam today?" Bellamy asked, holding the two year old girl in his arms. Luna had been a surprise to _everyone_ but a welcomed one none the less. Raven thought she was going to make a horrible mother and had thought it right up until the moment she held her in her arms. It's funny, Bellamy had always been told that a man becomes a father when he holds his child in his arms for the first time, while a woman becomes a mother the moment she becomes pregnant. It had been reverse for Wick and Raven. While Raven was unsure and scared beyond hell, Wick was so sure that everything was going to be okay. _You are going to be the most fierce and wonderful mom this child will ever know. Our child will never doubt that both his or her parents love them._

Bellamy will never forget the look of awe and pure love that washed over Raven's face when she held Luna in her arms for the first time. _I'm your mom, _she said before she stared at her in wonder for a few minutes, silent, and then leaned down and kissed her forehead and whispered, _I love you. _Wick wrapped both of his arms around his girls.

_You should see this, Clarke, _Bellamy thought.

Raven looked up at him not even a second after, _She should be here._

"Look at your braids!" Bellamy tugged on one, making the little girl giggle going red in the face. "Auntie 'Tavia do that?"

Luna nodded, "grounder," she pointed to herself.

"Very much so, I think," Bellamy smiled and blew a raspberry against the girl's cheek, sending her into fits of laughter.

"Bee!" Luna stretched away from him, trying to escape and only laughing harder the more tighter Bellamy held on.

"Careful, Bellamy," Raven shook her head, "you'll make her pass out."

Bellamy stopped and looked down at her, "your leg tender today?"

"It's tender every day when you have a two year old," Raven said but with a gleam in her brown eyes and a smile that only a mother would have.

"What do you expect when your kid is half you and half Wick?" Bellamy smirked.

Raven groaned, "shut up."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged.

"Yeah, just keep saying it after Octavia has her child," Raven smirked, "then there will be a child half your sister, half Lincoln."

Bellamy narrowed his eyes at the mechanic, "you suck."

"SUCK!" Luna repeated.

This time it was Raven who narrowed her eyes while Bellamy smiled apologetically, forgetting for a moment that Luna enjoys repeating everything she hears; words and noises included. Raven always said that she gets it from Wick.

"Suck!" Luna yelled.

"Luna Clarke," Raven warned.

_Clarke._

Bellamy's smile turned from apologetic to wistful and his dark brown eyes dimmed a little, losing the bright gleam that they had only a moment ago. He clenched his fingers into the little girl's side for a moment, anchoring himself.

Raven looked up at him with a sad smile, _my bad, _her eyes understanding.

"Bee," Luna pulled him back from his thoughts, frowning slightly before she took her small hands and pushed up the corners of his mouth, "no frown. I love you."

Bellamy laughed gently, his lips forming a real smile as he hugged the little girl to his chest, "I love you too, moon beam."

* * *

Bellamy was still in shock as he held onto the edge of the metal table. He would have collapsed if it weren't for said metal table holding him up. He didn't move, trying to get his bearings before he passed out. Earlier that morning, Monty came running to his tent, _Lexa is here._

That alone was enough to get his attention and he found himself running after the other boy to the front gate where Lexa sat upon her horse; looking just as fierce as he remembered. When the crowd parted and Lexa caught his stare, Bellamy saw something flash in her eyes. He couldn't name what it was but he knew it wasn't usual for Lexa.

_I need to speak with you, _Lexa said, staring straight at Bellamy while ignoring everyone else. _It is important._

Bellamy could see from the corner of his eye, Lincoln restraining his sister while Kane slipped his hand into Abby's. Monty stood with his arms crossed at his chest, leaning into Miller and Jasper held tight to Raven's hand; Raven held Luna against her chest and Wick had his arms wrapped around the both of them. They all knew, just like Bellamy did, the only reason why Lexa would come back to Camp Jaha.

_Clarke._

So Bellamy led her to the main station, where they held their meetings not even waiting before they had fully entered before he turned to her. _Is Clarke okay?_

_ She's alive, _Lexa answered.

Bellamy felt as though he had been punched in the stomach while simultaneously given fresh air to breathe after spending years without it.

_What the hell does that mean?_

_ Clarke's demons caught her, _Lexa frowned.

Bellamy stared at the Commander, watching her; he saw how broken she looked and how she couldn't even look him in the eye. He saw his own emotions mirrored in the girl except they were all different but the same.

Lexa composed herself and her blue eyes once again went hard as she looked back at Bellamy, _She's been with me for two years. I've been caring for her the best I can but I am unable to anymore._

_ Care for her? _Bellamy asked.

_As I said Clarke's demons caught up to her, _Lexa shook her head, _She is not the same Clarke, you once knew, Bellamy._

_ Is this your way of saying you can't handle her anymore? _Bellamy asked, narrowing his eyes. He didn't like what he heard. Clarke left so that she could find peace and it seemed that she didn't find it at all and had been dealing on her own.

Lexa straightened and narrowed her eyes back at him, _This is me saying it's time for Clarke to come home. _Her eyes softened, _Back to you._

Bellamy swallowed the lump his throat and that's when he braced himself against the metal table. He had only hoped that he would see her again but he never believed he would and now Lexa was here telling him that he could.

"Why?" Bellamy looked up at the girl. "Why are you doing this?"

Lexa didn't flinch but he saw her shoulders fall slightly and he noticed that her eyes dimmed slightly, "because you love her and will care for her."

Bellamy looked at her, he could see the exhaustion and pain on her face that she had been hiding before.

"Because," she looked straight at him, "I love her enough to let her go, knowing that I can trust you to keep her."

When Bellamy told everyone else that he was going to bring Clarke back, they all wanted to join him but Lexa was adamant in that only Bellamy would accompany her to go collect the blonde haired girl.

_Why, _Octavia frowned.

_I do not want to overwhelm her anymore than she is already going to be when she sees Bellamy, _Lexa said.

No one else argued. Bellamy had filled the others in about Clarke's condition wanting them to be prepared for when he gets back. Abby had fell apart in Kane's arms and he didn't blame her. Everyone else sat silently around the table. Octavia rubbed her stomach with Lincoln beside her, Wick rubbed Raven's shoulder as she subconsciously rubbed her leg. Jasper stared down at the table while Monty sat next to him, again leaning into Miller, as he picked at his cardigan.

Clarke had gone mute, not speaking to anyone and only mumbling a few things here and there that no one could catch. When she had nightmares, Lexa would have to wake her or else Clarke would end up hurting herself. She had scratched her arms up so good during one of her nightmares that they had scarred. Lexa then told Bellamy that Clarke recently began calling for him and that's why she decided that she was going to get him.

Lexa also mentioned that she brought Clarke to Indra's new settlement nearby, but she only told Bellamy and not the others.

Bellamy couldn't help but to think of Finn, while he killed people when he went crazy; Clarke was only killing herself.

* * *

When they arrived at the camp Bellamy only then realized that his entire body was shaking. He was nervous, happy, sad, scared and numerous other emotions. He followed after Lexa as she led him to the lodge that she had placed Clarke in.

Before they entered, Lexa turned, making Bellamy stop in his tracks. She looked up at him with stern eyes and he saw her swallow.

"_I do love her_, Bellamy," Lexa said, "Understand that."

"I do," he nodded.

She gave a single nod and turned, pulling aside the curtain, signaling for Bellamy to stay before she disappeared inside.

Bellamy stood still, forcing himself not to pace because he didn't want to upset her. He didn't want to set her off.

_If he triggered her…_

The curtain was pulled aside and Lexa stepped out, followed closely behind by the other girl.

At first all he could do was stare. Was he hallucinating? Was she actually standing there before him?

Clarke's hair was longer than before and she had it tied back in a single braid, like when they first arrived here on Earth and she was wearing a long sleeved navy blue shirt with black pants. There were circles underneath her eyes and he could see a long mark, from a knife, he's guessing across her collarbone. He both wanted to and didn't want to know how she got that.

_Did she do that to herself?_

"Clarke," Lexa's voice was soft and she gave her hand a gentle squeeze, "Bellamy is here. Remember I said I was going to get him?"

Clarke looked at Lexa for a moment before she stared at him.

Bellamy felt the shock, the shock of falling through ice into cold water, shoot through his entire body when her blue eyes looked at him.

"Clarke," Bellamy didn't recognize his own voice. _Recognize me, please. Know me._

She stared at him, her blue eyes staring into his own dark orbs and he could tell that she was trying, she was trying to remember. His name must of sparked something and she looked down at the ground.

Lexa and Bellamy both exchanged a look before they heard Clarke mumbling underneath her breath.

"What?" Bellamy took a step forward while Lexa also leaned slightly into Clarke, as if there to protect her from Bellamy, in case he set her off. "Clarke, what?"

"I bare it, so they don't have to," Clarke murmured.

"Yes, you do," Bellamy said, "you do bare it, Clarke. But you don't have to bare it alone anymore."

Clarke shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself as Lexa shot Bellamy a warning look. He ignored her and focused on Clarke, "you are forgiven, Clarke. You're forgiven."

Clarke looked up at him. _Another spark._

"You want forgiveness, Clarke?" Bellamy's eyes filled with tears, "I forgive you, Clarke. _I forgive you."_

She furrowed her brows together and again shook her head, pulling her hands up to her face in frustration; stepping away from Lexa.

Bellamy needed her to remember. She was so close, she was right there.

_Come back to me. Come back to me._

"Bellamy," Clarke whispered.

_I'm right here, Clarke. I'm right here._

"Brave princess."

Clarke looked up at him. She dropped her shaking hands to her sides and looked at him. _Really looked at him._

"_Clarke."_

"_Bellamy_," she sighed.

Everything happened in a blur after that.

He couldn't remember who moved first all that he could remember was the feeling of his arms wrapping around the girl as she threw herself into his chest, wrapping her own arms around his neck.

_Bellamy, _her breath hot against his neck.

_Clarke, _Bellamy allowed his tears to fall into her hair as he tightened his hold on her.

_I bore it so they wouldn't have to, _she kept on repeating.

_I know, Clarke, I know, _Bellamy rubbed her back as he pressed kisses to the side of her head, _we're going home now. We're going home._

* * *

**_Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it. (:_**

**_-KT xo_**


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